Saturday, March 30, 2013

Another Saturday, I suppose

Yesterday I got the bass tracks for the single from Mr. Kuhlberg, and after importing them into the project I can safely say that having a real bass played by a real bass player was the correct decision to make :)

Today Risto will come and visit me, pretty sure we'll head out for some beers later, ought to be fun :)

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Enjoy your life folks

I'm pretty much back

Starting to feel like myself again, been even working on the single again today, I still think it's going to be pretty good. Of course it's gonna alienate some of you with the dance beat and whatnot, but so what :)

The new Fall Out Boy song

Is actually pretty good! I don't mean "My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark", I thought it was only decent, if that. But the new one is actually pretty catchy and reminded me why I liked them in the first place. It's not their best song ever, but it's still a solid effort:

"Wearing all vintage misery, No I think it looked a little better on me", I can relate to that :) Pretty dark video for a "pop" band as well...

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Official "WTF????" of the day...


After 10 hours of digesting this, I have to admit, I kinda like it :D

Mosh Pit Mathematics

Apparently some guys have created a mathematical model of mosh pits, kinda funny. Read about here:

Maybe I won't die... yet

Starting to feel somewhat decent, maybe 78,2%, give or take 50%. Today I contacted a bass player extraordinaire and a good friend of mine about laying down the bass track for the single. Originally I thought I'd just program the bass, as the song is leans pretty heavily on a dance beat and is heavy on sequences, but then I thought maybe it would be nice to have an "organic" bass there as well. At first I thought I'd just play it myself, as I have done numerous times before, but then I started thinking if I'm actually gonna have a real bass on the song it might as we'll be a decent one then, and even though I can lay down some decent boogie with the bass there is still a huge difference between my playing and an ACTUAL bass player. So, I sent the dude the files and should hopefully get the bass track on Friday or during the weekend.

Now during the evening I've been playing some poker, but had to stop as I was running like shit, being sucked out from left and right. And really, if a guy calls a 4bet preflop, who of you would put him on a J5o????

After that I opened a Lonkero (yeah yeah, shouldn't drink while sick, blah blah, go fuck yourself) and started listening to some music, and damn, the new Anssi Kela album is pretty effin' good! Who would've thunken? I mean, ten years ago, back in the day, this dude released an album that was a huge hit in Finland, selling multiple platinum. And god did I hate it! It was (and still is) so fucking bad. Then the success gradually faded until no one really cared anymore, his last album before this sold something like 4 000 copies, which is kind of a downfall considering that his first album sold 150 000+. The guy wasn't really a household name anymore, and it seems like he too went "Fuck it" and did something that he wanted to do. Apparently that is VERY 80's sounding album and goddamn, I have to admit I like it. I will NEVER like his hit album, I still think the songs were terrible, but here they are not. They are pretty fucking catchy. Granted, some of the lyrics can be quite naive, but I think it's kind of a point here as well, they're not great poetry, but they work. I salute you Mr.Kela, well done Sir, well done indeed!

Aaand I went on rambling about a Finnish artist that majority of my readers has never even heard about :) But what the heck, it's my blog, and that's what I was listening to right now, so what the hell. Try to endure :)

I tried finding some other song to link here than the one that has been all over the radios here now, but apparently there are no others in Youtube yet, so here you go if you're interested, or a Finn who somehow has managed to avoid this song (and let's face it, the chorus is awesome and catchy as fuck:):

I also think it's worth mentioning that the guy sang and played EVERYTHING on the album himself, aside from one saxophone solo. That's pretty impressive in my books.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Solid plan

Feeling better

But not even close to 100%. Still, it's a nice change of pace to be able to breath and stuff, it's highly underappreciated. Maybe today I can even get back to working on the single again, if the stars align and I don't start feeling like shit again. Oh well, lets have some coffee and see what kind of shit's going down today.

I didn't even make it on the list... :(

Monday, March 25, 2013

You know you are sick when...

When you suddenly notice you have been watching cooking shows for the last two hours and it hasn't even made you hungry.

Still sick

Unfortunately at the moment I'm very much bedridden myself, wouldn't be much of a company...  God I hate being sick.

Well, to cheer things up, here's apparently a genuine letter sent to the Finnish Embassy by what I can only hope to be dumber-than-average Brit:

"Dear Sir/Madam/Ms,

According to reports in today's newspapers, the foul weather that we are experiencing in the UK is coming directly from Finland.

I respectfully request that you stop this unfriendly behaviour immediately. It is playing havoc with my plans for the garden, not to mention the heating bills. 

I shall expect an improvement very soon, and will not accept any excuses! Thank you."

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Fucking flu

Great, I seem to have the mother of all flu's now... Well, at least it had the decency to wait until I wasn't too busy, so I guess I can't be too bummed out about this...

This is how I feel, and look...

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Too high buttcrack

Good-ish morning to you

Just woke up, I have a slight hangover and what appears to be the beginnings of a flu. My nose is stuffed and my throat hurts. Oh well... I'll survive, I'll just enjoy more coffee out of my Penis-mug.

Which reminds me...

I went to see Adam Lambert perform live @ Hartwall Arena, Helsinki, yesterday. The show was good, not brilliant, but good nevertheless. He started out with "If I Had You", which is a great song (I even had it as a ringtone on my phone for a while:), but sadly the sound was very bad. Of course he had a world-class FOH with him, so it didn't take too long to get it all together, after that the sound was totally fine.

Now about the arrangements... Some of them worked, the others didn't. "Whataya Want From Me" was arranged brilliantly, it was better than the original version, which is saying a lot as the song is my second-favorite song of his. Then again "Outlaws of Love" morphed into some kind of semi-reggae thingy that I really didn't like too much, as the song is one of the better ones on the latest album and works very well as a ballad.

Lambert also did quite many covers, maybe too many in my opinion, I counted at least five. I was surprised the Tears For Fears cover "Shout" didn't really work too well, IMO. Love the song, but somehow it just didn't work. Then again the Donna Summer cover "Hot Stuff" worked like a charm. He also covered Queen, Bob Marley and Lenny Kravitz, maybe something else as well, I might have missed something.

As a singer, well, what can you say about Adam Lambert? On the albums he is phenomenal, albeit sometimes over-produced. Live, he's just phenomenal. Really, he sang like a mofo, I can't say anything bad about his performance.

The only thing bugging me about his show last night was that he didn't play my all time favorite song of his, "Underneath"

Friday, March 22, 2013

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Working, working...

Been working pretty much all day on the Sydänpuu-single, and it's actually starting to sound pretty damn good already :) Maybe I'll celebrate with one beer and then get back to the old drawing board and see if I can make it even better :)

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Time to go...

...riding those fucking trains again. This trip is gonna take for-fucking-ever again, sooooo happy about it. Then again I am pretty excited about going home, importing the drumtracks into Logic on my iMac and starting to put that puppy together, so maybe I can take this boring day of epic proportions. Maybe...

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A Video from the studio:

Here's a video from the drum sessions yesterday, in case you are interested:

Real Men

Real Men are positive and give everything a big thumbs up! I LOL'd :)

Still alive, not feeling fine

So, this has been fun so far. On Saturday I went out with my sister, mom and Risto. Had some drinks and sang some karaoke with my sister, which was really fun :) On Sunday I didn't do much aside watching cartoons with my niece (The Beauty and the Beast & Tarzan) and playing some online poker later.

Yesterday we went to Tico Tico Studio to record the drums for the upcoming Sydänpuu single with soung engineer extraordinaire, Mr. Ahti Kortelainen. This was probably one of the easiest studiosessions I've ever done, as 6h after we stopped the car infront of the studio the drums had already been recorded, edited, packed, taken back to the warehouse and we were sitting in Cafe & Bar Ankkuri, celebrating our successful session with a beer :)

I should try and find some video converter for mac now, so I could put together some small video clip from the studio, let's see if I can find one.


Some pics from the studio

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Made it to Kemi

Just came from sauna and now I thought I'd take this beautiful girl out for a few drinks. And before some retard crawls out of the woodwork screaming something about girlfriends and shit let it be known that the girl is my sister. So fuck off :)

The mandatory "beer in a train" pic

Early mornings...

They are not for everyone...

Friday, March 15, 2013

Friday on my mind.

Well, not really, couldn't care less. Just feels a bit weird, as this is the first weekend in a while when I don't have any shows booked. Maybe I'll just chill, try to write something and later watch how my man Mr. Railio does in The Voice of Finland. Tomorrow I'll head to Kemi, which is fun in the sense that I get to go and see my family, but sucks in the sense that the travel takes for-fucking-ever, not to mention I have to start it at 06:20 or so... Hoo-fucking-ray!

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Manly man is manning

Today I've built a desk, whilst drinking beer. Felt pretty manly :) Maybe I should try doing manly things more often, instead of being such a fucking sad poet-boy all the time. Lets watch some football and hammer down some drywall!

Some people say... part 2.

Some people say today is the international Steak & Blowjob Day. Fuck that, every day is Steak & Blowjob Day as far as I'm concerned.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

The 8 Worst-Dressed At The Papal Conclave

I found this amusing :)

The 8 Worst-Dressed At The Papal Conclave

BTW, now that we have them all locked in, couldn't we just throw away the fucking key? So many young cornholes would go untouched :)

Should head to Helsinki, again...

Those of you who know me personally also know that I'm not the biggest fan of the city in question. But, tonight it's the last show in a while with my man Mr.T. After tonight I'll concentrate on creating something new for a change, been playing the same old songs for far too long again. Playing is fun, but writing is better.

Here's something you can sing while I'm away:

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Too funny, couldn't resist :)

The Supreme Pontiff of Fuck This Shit, I Quit.

Good morning possums

What did you have for breakfast?

Time to hit the hay

Spent a few hours polishing the song that'll be the Sydänpuu single, as it suddenly dawned to me that next week this time I will be in Kemi and hopefully we already have the drums recorded. Man does the time fly...

Also watched the latest episode of Californication. It's a freaking great series still, I was laughing my ass off and then they still manage to throw something really gut-wrenching in the end, awesome writing. I still think the dialogue is almost too witty at times, as no one is THAT good with words all the time, which takes some suspension of disbelief, but damn if it's not entertaining as fuck. I'll quote Mr. Moody again, as it seems very fitting after all the feces thrown here lately:

"Be careful, I have a tendency to take root in the hearts and minds of those who initially find me off-putting. It's a small but loyal group."

With these words I wish you all a good night, take care my cuntsies!

Monday, March 11, 2013

Quote of the day:

"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem,
 first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."

It's always good when...

It's always good when you wake up on a Monday morning, make yourself a cup of coffee and get to reading the news, and one of the first headlines you come across is a Finnish nutjob explaining how he recently had sex with three aliens. It's good because it brings a little perspective and and a tiny little ray of hope into my world, that maybe, just maybe I'm not the most fucked up person on this planet.

Found a picture

Of the cup of shut the fuck up that I mentioned earlier:

Be offended, be very offended...

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Quote of the day:

"Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence. 
Because if she doesn't have that, then she's mine"

I am The Offensive-Man

If I was a superhero, or in this case maybe a super villain, I would most definitely be The Offensive-Man. I seem to have a superhuman ability to offend and piss people off. And to be honest, I don't really care about people getting some serious rectal rash over what I say/write/do. Take it from Master Yoda:

That being said, holy fucking hell people! Over a year and 600+ blog entries later you still manage to get all worked up? I guess the force truly is strong in me and I should take this as an accomplishment. As a friend wrote to me yesterday, "Sometimes I'm not sure what's more entertaining; your blog or the morons commenting on it". Unfortunately I was actually too busy having fun and getting hammered to participate on the shitstorm that ensued. I can see you guys have been some busy goddamn beavers though. At first I thought I'd answer to each and every of the comments, but lets be honest: that's too much trouble, so I'll just compile a little "Best of" on this post instead.

Now, as my hangover has passed and I have a cold, delicious beer next to me, lets get comfy. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Captain has now turned on the Fasten Seat Belt sign. Please take your seat and fasten your seat belt. Make sure your seat back and folding trays are in their full upright position. Please turn off your mobile. Oh, and smoke'em if you got'em, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Here we go:


"Jani, this has nothing to do with women, but is your attitude towards people really like that?"

Yes, my attitude towards people truly is like that, meaning that I think I - and everyone else- should be able to make fun about everything and everyone. 

"Like, you're a fucking tired smalltown guitarist. Now have a nice warm cup of shut the fuck up and get me my album you dick :)"

I'm working on my small album in my small town with my small guitar and even smaller talent. But we have this saying in Finland, "Kiirehtimällä ei tule kuin kusipää lapsia". Someone can probably translate that :)

"How would it feel if I thought of you like that?"

Honestly? I couldn't care less. Why should it matter to me what you or anyone else thinks of me? I know who and what I am, and that's good enough for me. I think in general people waste waaaay too much time and energy worrying about what other people think. 

"Do you even realize this makes you sound like you're looking down at your fans who might be waiters, waitresses etc, and not as goddamn glamorous as you obviously think you are? D:"

No offence, but I look down on everyone, and the person I look down on the most is yours truly. There is and never has been anything glamorous about the trainwreck that is my life, but as it is what it is I might as well try to have some fun with it :) And for the record, I absolutely LOVE waitresses, they serve me my alcohol and sometimes even food. I know a lot of waiters and waitresses, it kinda comes with a territory in my line of work, and they are in general a wonderful bunch of people. Keep on fighting the good fight, my beer-serving friends!


"Oh for crying out loud...ever considered that he is just sarcastic and might be joking"

What gave me away? :)


"I can also think of other idiotic comments like: "Celebrate, girls, for the rest of the year is ours." "

I saw a bunch of these comments as well, the level of retardedness closing in on "Epic". 

Bill Giovis:

"its like saying women cant play guitar witch is bullshit women can get just as good as men"

Or better, just look at Jennifer Batten for instance :)

Magda C:

"I knew it, you're gay :)"

I wish. As someone once said "I'd love to be gay, as I think taking a cock up the ass is a small price to pay for being in a relationship where what I say is understood exactly as I meant it and is not twisted and perverted by looking for a subtext that is not there to begin with." Or something along those lines :) Unfortunately I'm a raging heterosexual :)


I was watching Californication and I just have to add this here:

I am so fucking straight right now! :D


"And to you Jani: what would you think if someone shot either one of your nieces in her head, all because she wanted to go to school? This happened to a Pakistani girl and it makes me feel glad to be born in a free western country where I could get a decent education without having to face such consequences"

Whoa, to quote Ron Burgundy: "Boy, that escalated quickly". I would probably be pretty sad and pissed off if someone shot my niece, but how the hell is this relevant here? I was just making a joke and now we're already shooting people in the head? Granted, it's sad what is going on around the globe, but I ain't here to save the world, I'm here just to make music and raise some hell. I have enough problems of my own to start crying over things I cannot change or affect in any way. Lots of people suffer -that's right, PEOPLE, not women-, and I do feel for them, but shit if I can help it. 

Well, when I'm the president... :)

Heavvymetalqueen: (sic)

"Memorial days are there for a reason."

Tru dat, you dyslectic little moniker :) AFAIK I never said anything to the contrary. I have absolutely nothing against International Women's Day, or against women for that matter, I was only making a fucking joke :)

"But that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop my little fight, and that definitely doesn't mean I'm gonna take some random dude saying women are all cunts laying down."

I sincerely hope you're not referring to me as the "random dude". Not because I would actually care, but because it would mean that after all that quite eloquent commentary you provided you would've still missed the point. Not ONCE did I say women are all cunts lying down. If I make a joke and use the "c" word in conjunction with your gender it doesn't mean I think all women are cunts. Chill the fuck out, it could've beee worse. I could've said "nigger" :)

"You know, it's a real shame when you have to ruin everything you do with this childish, ridiculous sexist bullshit."

Once again, it was a fucking joke :) I just happen to find sexist jokes are pretty damn funny. If you have issues with my sense of humour you are clearly reading a wrong blog. I would recommend some more politically correct one for you, but unfortunately I don't know any :)

"I've been trying to give you another chance dude"

A chance for what?

"Sooner or later all the people who aren't your drooling idiotic fanboys are gonna figure out you're just a little, bitter man with very little to add to the table."

That is probably very true. I don't think I am particularly bitter, and I have absolutely no clue about what I can actually bring to the table. I just do my shit, try to have fun while doing it and maybe, just maybe entertain some people in the process as well. My biggest dream in life would be to get some idiotic drooling fangirls as well, as contrary to what seems to be a popular belief here, I am actually not a misogynistic piece of shit. Just a plain piece of shit.

"Grow the fuck up." 

Never! That would probably kill what little creativity I have left in me, and also ruin my boyish charm :)

"You're smarter than this, or at least you've studied enough not to call women cunts ON A FEMINIST MEMORIAL DAY"

Maybe I thought my readers would be smarter than this? I didn't call women cunts, I just made a joke containing the word cunt. Granted, it was somewhat sexist of a joke, but joke nevertheless. Not in a million years would've I thought people would get so fucking riled up over it. To be honest, I didn't think people would care so much about what I write. Clearly I was wrong.

"Stop acting like everything is a joke, because sooner or later you'll be the joke. Or maybe you already are."

Everything IS a joke to me, call it a survival mechanism if you will, and the biggest joke of all since day one has been Yours Truly. You have to be able to laugh at everything, since if you don't, where do we draw the line? Who gets to choose and say at which things are we allowed to laugh at and at which things we are not? And always, ALWAYS be the first one to laugh at yourself. I laugh at myself on a daily basis and I'm pretty sure other people laugh at me as well. And you know what? That's ok, because I am just-that-ridiculous :)

"Start respecting women, start respecting PEOPLE, before everybody leaves you behind like the immature douchebag you act like. "

I do respect women, just as much as I respect men. I don't discriminate, I hate everyone equally. It's even the name of this blog, in case you missed it :)

"You were making a fair point on the almost lost meaning of this day." 

No, actually I was not, I was only making a joke. Granted, sometimes I can include some semi-witty social commentary in my otherwise incoherent ramblings, but this was not one of those times.


"Perhaps Jani you should look into the struggles that women still have to face all over the world"

And why exactly should I do this? Just because someone in the internets got butthurt over a joke I made? I get it that it can probably be difficult to be a member of the prettier sex (was that offensive as well? Am I allowed to say "prettier" in this context or is it sexist and oppressive?), but I am, to paraphrase, "just a fucking tired smalltown guitarist" who is not out to save and change the world. I'm only here for shits and giggles.


"you're a real Finnish idiot."

No objections here, never claimed otherwise.

"I'm sorry, but even a good joke has its limits and your jokes are getting disguisting."

I can't argue with matters of taste, but I do disagree with you on the opinion that jokes have limits. If my brand of humour appals you you are probably better off reading something a little less offensive than a pathetic little blog of a real Finnish idiot :)

"You're pathetic."

And sad, don't forget sad.

Queen Maargo:

"btw, do you call your mother a 'cunt' too?"

No, I usually just call her "mom". Why?


"What a shitstorm of crazy people here...chill the fuck out, it was a goddamn joke!"

And we have a winner!


"A joke isn't funny if it's in poor taste. Sorry, Jani, but I'm with your critics on this one."

Can't really debate the matter of taste, as it is subjective to people. I don't the mind critique, I've come to the conclusion that if everyone agrees with me I'm probably doing something wrong.


"But everybody how they think and since this is a public blog everybody can tell Jani their opinion about his posts..."

And they do! That's the beauty of it :)


"That's the cowardly way out -- being a vicious little cunt all the fucking time and when someone actually calls you out on that, pretending that it's all a joke and blame others for not understanding your sophisticated sense of humour."

I get your point my man (?), but here's the deal: Is it still cowardly if it actually IS a joke? It most certainly is not sophisticated, but is is humour nevertheless. Wouldn't it be cowardly not to stand behind the fact that it actually was a joke, nothing more nothing less? I ain't gonna apologise just because someone doesn't like my particular sense of humour. If someone has a problem with what I write or what I find funny they can probably just type some other URL in their browser. It's as simple as that.

"Yeah, just make a joke out EVERYTHING and you can conveniently wash your hands out of it"

I think I've established already quite clearly that I DO make a joke out of everything. I'm not washing my hands out of it, it's just how I am. I'm not gonna pretend something is more than a joke if for me it actually is  just that.

"That way you'll never need to take responsibility for your words or engage in a discussion or challenge your thinking. Hiding behind a veil of sarcasm is so much easier than showing the real you."

What fucking responsibility? Responsibility for making a joke? Give me a fucking break here dude. There was no discussion to be engaged here, just me writing some shit I found funny. If someone wants to engage in a meaningful conversation or challenge my thinking they are more than welcome to do it, I actually encourage it, but please don't come here whining about "veil of sarcasm" and all that shit when this blog clearly is mostly a place for entertainment, which in my case is mostly sarcasm. If you don't happen to find it entertaining there are plenty of other websites to browse through. Some of them even have pictures of cats. CATS!

Oh, and someone asked about the blog name. It's still from "Californication", Hank Moody is the fucking man :) I think I actually explained this in one of the first, if not the first post I ever made.

Man this has taken a long time to type down, mainly because copying and formatting text with Blogger SUCKS ASS! But I did it, and now I'll have a beer and laugh at myself. Feel free to join or get the fuck out :)

Friday, March 8, 2013

Some people say...

Some people say today is international Woman's Day. Fuck that, today is Friday as far as I'm concerned.

Heading off to Helsinki

Given the circumstances I'm pretty sure I'll be having this expression later tonight...

Going electro

Well, not really :D Been spending the last few days (and nights) playing around with my new computer. I got pretty much everything up and running and been now experimenting with some different stuff, learning about some dance/electro house production techniques and working on some pretty different shit. But don't you worry guys, I'm still in touch with my heavier side, just thought I'd learn something new for a change, and to be honest it's been shitloads of fun just fooling around with weird sounds. Just having some fun before we enter the studio with Risto to record the drums for Sydänpuu.

Tomorrow I'll actually go to Helsinki to meet Risto and see Stratovarius play live @ Tavastia, ought to be fun :) Take care guys, I'll get back to my loops and sequences :)

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Wednesday, back pains, all that jazz

So, last night went exactly how I thought, me getting my new system up and running. It's getting pretty functional already, and buy is it way more fun to work with Logic on a 27inch screen and with a computer that doesn't start freezing up immediately when you introduce some heavier plugins in the mix.

My back was kinda fucked up again this morning, pretty damn annoying. It wasn't as bad as last week, but still painful enough to annoy the living crap out of me.

Well, I guess I'll continue setting up my new "toy". I also ordered a desk for it, as I haven't been using a desktop computer since I migrated to Mac from PC. Should get it on Tuesday. Now the computer is just sitting on the living room table, which looks kinda stupid as the iMac is still pretty sizeable. But that'll be fixed later :)

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Aaaand I have a new computer

Went and bought the 27' iMac, me so happy :) I guess this night will be used getting all my stuff up and running.

I think today is the day

I think today I'll go and buy a new computer. That'll mean hours on end installing of software again, but it'll be worth it :)

Saturday, March 2, 2013

These are actually really funny :)

Greetings from Joensuu

Here we are, in the eastern Finland. Yesterday we played in Kuopio and it was fucking phenomenal again. Last time we played there was awesome as well, but we thought that it might've been just a glitch in the Matrix. But no, Kuopio just is that awesome for us.

Tonight is the second-to-last show of the winter with Timo, running low on shows for this winter. But we've done so many it's probably good to take a break and concentrate on other things. For Timo that will be Stratovarius and for me it'll be songwriting.

Should have a beer, change the strings from the guitar, have a shower... Just not sure in which order I should do these things. Maybe I'll start with the beer...

Joensuu. about to get rocked.

Friday, March 1, 2013

I got bored

So here's a picture of Optimus Prime rocking out with his Frankenstrat while enjoying a glass of whiskey. There's a sentence I never thought I'd write... :D

Fuck I'm lame... :)